“The king stay the king”- D’Angelo

The Past Week in Review

First off, on an incredibly sad note, Lisa from Clusterfook lost her battle with cancer Friday night. My heart goes out to her family and all that will feel an empty space in their life without her. I had only recently started getting to know  Lisa and regret that I hadn’t met her sooner. At the end of her life, when some  began inching themselves away from reading her blog because her inevitable death was too much for them to bear, I felt sort of the opposite and  wanted more time to know her.

RIP Lisa. Rest well.

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The rest that I had to share seem lame now.

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Mark Belling called women who breastfeed “sows”. Asshat. – from Feministing , with much ranting from blogging lactivists and anyone with an ounce of common sense. As much as I love supporting and advocating breast-feeding rights, I’m not extending those rights to breastfeeding and driving , though. Sorry,lady. Love the irony of a woman being charged with child endangerment while breastfeeding,though.

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IT’S CALLED A SHIT SANDWICH, AND YOU’LL EAT IT AND LIKE IT: Schools across the country are “cutting budgets” by giving plain cheese sandwiches to children whose parents cannot foot the bill for a hot lunch, “singl[ing] out poor children in the most storied location of school-aged social hierarchies – the lunchroom.” My boy, Ethan, is terrified of being a cheese sandwich kid since they instituted this policy at his school. – from feministe, with additional smack-down from Bitch Ph.D , Womanist Musings , Vox Verax and Howard’s Notebook

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I  want to try fire-cupping now, thanks to Essen’ Em.

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You’re completely evil if you laugh at this. It’s kind of funny I say that because I laughed my ass off  and made my kids watch it. They were shocked because I’m the one who hates America’s Funniest Home videos because people…it’s just not nice to laugh at other people’s pain. Models falling down on the runway ,though? Totally ok to laugh at. Thanks to temptingmama via twitter.

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I can’t remember who passed this link on to me but thank you,whoever you were. I had no idea about No NAIS . Essential reading for homesteaders and hobby farmers.

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How to make a Superhero Gadget from The Crafty Crow. An important thing to know how to do when you have a mini-superhero-wannabe in your life.

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Audacia Ray & Marisa DiMattia discuss  Sex & Tattoos on Live Girl Review

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Stella on Ninotchka

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FINALLY…an online matchmaker site just for geeks. Geek 2 Geek

Geeks are special. Their interests just aren’t the same as most people’s. As a result, traditional dating sites just don’t work well for them. For one thing, if you’re looking for a geek, you’ll have to sift through tons of profiles on other sites before you’ll find any. For another, the kinds of activities asked about onthe other sites are of little interest to geeks.

On a possibly related note, my blog stats reveal lately several searches for people looking to have sex with Boba Fett or “sex with man wearing a Boba Fett mask”. This review of a leather bondange hood that references Boba Fett several times might help those folks out but meanwhile, they might want to check out Geek 2 Geek to see if they can find a willing participant. Good luck with that! I’m not going to be getting in on that action. Sex + masks= freak me right the fuck out. Haven’t you ever seen 8mm?

Also – I updated my fetlife.com profile to include geeks as a turn on. I think that’s geeky in itself.

gracias,The Erotic Ego for the geek love.

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Republicans made themseves look like asshats (even more) this past week. Sen. Dave Schultheis of Colorado Springs explains that women should not be given hiv tests because…

“What I’m hoping is that, yes, that person may have AIDS, have it seriously as a baby and when they grow up, but the mother will begin to feel guilt as a result of that,” he said. “The family will see the negative consequences of that promiscuity and it may make a number of people over the coming years begin to realize that there are negative consequences and maybe they should adjust their behavior.”

More from Wired for Noise

Also, North Dakota, Montana , Missouri, Arkansas , Tennessee and Minnesota are on an anti-choice policy-making spree.

More on Friday’s Feminist Fuck You: Anti-choicers gone wild

Also, not at all surprising to me at all is this Harvard study that show that Red States watch more porn than the Blue States

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My favorite new TV on DVD addiction: The Wire.

[blog title from The Wire, Season 1]

Jupiter Reviews: 4 Months,3 weeks,2 days

Review Disclaimer: Simply put,  I tend to suck at reviews. Maybe some day, I’ll die and be reincarnated as a writer for Rolling Stone & have that certain eloquence needed for writing a stellar review.Right now,in this life, I struggle beyond “I liked it” or “I didn’t like it”.Also, expect spoilers.

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Set in Communist Romania in the 1980’s during the Ceauşescu era , 4 Luni, 3 Saptamâni Si 2 Zile (4 Months, 3 Weeks & 2 Days)  takes place during the course of one day in the life of two female students who are friends and  dormmates, Otilia and Gabita.

Brief  Romanian history facts  not really told in the movie: Ceauşescu wanted to increase the population of Romania and banned all contraception and abortion, with some exceptions. Women who were over a certain age and had already had at least 4 children were allowed contraception & abortion but otherwise ,it was illegal. Childless couples were penalized for failing to conceive. If a woman was caught using contraception or obtaining an illegal abortion, she faced life imprisonment, as did anyone found aiding her.

Gabita is pregnant and  with the help of Otilia, has arranged to have an illegal abortion. On the morning of the big day, Gabita sits and waits in her room while Otilia rushes around bartering,trading and borrowing money and finalizing details. Gabita was to arrange for a room in a particular hotel specified by the abortionist,  Domnu’ Bebe. Otilia arrives at the hotel to find that there is no reservation made, leaving her to find a different hotel, leaving her short of money for the abortionist.

Gabita’s involvement in her own abortion is shockingly passive. Some may see this as a poor frightened young woman paralyzed with fear. I ,on the other hand, was extremely irritated with the character, finding myself at points in the film, wanting to slap her silly . Her friend works her ass off to raise the funds, make necessary arrangements and risks being arrested with harsh imprisonment, while she has little involvement in the process. While Otilia is clearly stressed at the burdens she has undertaken, Gabita’s demeanor is casual worry as she allows Otilia to be responsible for the whole mess.

The few things Gabita was to handle on her own, she dropped the ball on, causing the situation to be further complicated and dangerous for both women.Afraid the abortionist would not go through with the procedure, she lies to him,telling him she is in her first trimester of pregnancy. In fact, she is more than 4 (nearly 5) months pregnant. This point alone infuriated myself – and illustrated even further her lack of responsibilty in the situation. In countries where abortion is legal, 4 months does not fall into the legal parameters, for obvious reasons.   The abortionist  demands more money or comparable “payment” from both Otilia & Gabita , making the scenario even more dirty and degrading that it was before and furthering Gabita’s debt to Otilia’s burdens.

The abortionist presents himself as the good guy, who is her only option out of the mess she’s gotten herself into,but of course, he’s far from the good guy. There is no other choice but to comply to his demands. He’s providing a service she needs and there isn’t anywhere else she can go.

The story is based on a true one that was told to writer and director  Cristian Mungiu, that had a deep impression on him. There is of course speculation as to what Mungiu is trying to say with his film. Is this a pro-choice or anti-choice film?  My feeling is that it is solidly neither and both at the same time. It’s an “It is what it is” film, showing the true scenario of illegal abortion.

There’s a “graphic” scene that shows the aborted fetus, passed by Gabita on the bathroom floor. Unlike a horror movie that might just show you a mere seconds of some gross and horrific horror, the camera stays on the aborted fetus for an impossibly long time and as shocking as it may feel to some viewers, it was the point. This movie IS about an abortion and the aborted fetus proves that point.

In case you’re wondering, this is what a fetus looks like at approximately 4 months,3 weeks and 2 days.

It may seem like this would help to drill the pro-life (anti-choice)  point deeper, but that isn’t necessarily the case . The film shows what happens in a country where contraception and abortion are made illegal and reproductive rights are revoked. Seen through the eyes of someone (like myself) who is unshakably pro-choice and has had her own abortion, it’s an example of why it is we should always have the legal choice available.

Others may interpret it to suit their own position and that’s perfectly fine. The film is a cinematic achievement, regardless of what point it proves and to who.

Jupiter takes the kids to the playground

The kids scatter to their favorite places on the playground and Jupiter is left to sit with the other Mommies. She scans the benches and their occupants, finding the most promising spot for the least annoying playground conversation. She mentally draws a thick black “x” across the Mommies who look the least relatable and opts for the seat next to the Mommy with the black frame glasses, the Radiohead T-shirt and black skirt. This one looks like she falls into the category of Thinking Mom on first glance and those are far more promising in her opinion than the other types.

They exchange their polite “Hellos”. Jupiter takes out her knitting and sits back.

“Are all those kids yours?”,the other Mommy asks.

“Yeah. Minus the 3 at home.”

The other Mommy bristles,clearly annoyed.She looks like she might refrain from comment but doesn’t.With open and clear judgment,she says.”My husband and I only have 1. We don’t think it’s really right to have more than one.The planet has enough people on it”

Jupiter smiles politely. This woman is like herself, opinionated. She likes that. She respects it.But it doesn’t mean she’s not thinking about arguing the point to defend the choices she’s made that have made her life what it is.

Mostly she lets the comments like these pass. The women at school functions that talked about her large family like she wasn’t even there, tossing around words like “irresponsible”,acting like her children were kittens born to an unspayed mother cat, overcrowding an animal sheltering . The lady at the library who stared at her newborn in the Maya Wrap and rolled her eyes straight up to heaven and said,”good lord, you had ANOTHER one!”.The strangers who have the nerve to ask,”Wow, don’t you know what birth control is?”. But really, she reasons,If someone is really bold enough to poke their nose where it doesn’t belong,don’t they deserve to have their nose tweaked a bit? It’s not really in her to say nothing at all but she never seems to say the “right” thing to make it feel better,so often silence is her solution.

Knit,Knit,Purl,Purl, works the ribbing of a sock.Jupiter looks focused on the knitting as she quietly asks her benchmate,”Are you pro-choice?”

The Mom stammers a “Uhhhhh…”. She suddenly realizes it may have been too blunt and that the other Mom has been blindsided and probably thinks she’s a Bible-Thumping Pro-Lifer so she quickly adds,”It’s ok if you are! I am too.I was just wondering.It was an honest question. “

‘Well, of course. Of course,I am.”, comes the response, like it’s the only reasonable thing a person could be.

Jupiter finishes the ribbing of the sock and pauses before continuing with the leg of the sock. “I’ve just noticed over the years that the more kids I have, the more flack I get from people who say they’re adamantly pro-choice. I just find it funny because I guess I would assume that if someone is in favor of supporting women’s reproductive rights,they’d be a bit more tolerant of a woman who chooses to have more than one child.I just wonder why they don’t say they’re pro-abortion instead if they aren’t going to actually support choices” She adds a laugh to relieve tension.

Inside her head, she’s saying “Shut up now. If you keep going, you’ll just be that Crazy Lady With All The Kids At The Park instead of what you’re trying to show her you are. You’ll just end up a character in an anecdote she tells her friends at parties to show how uneducated and mentally challenged those more-than-one child women are.”

It’s a problem she has,this talking thing. She tries not to talksometimes because once she does, it all comes out and god only knows what the it will be.She tells herself to shush but her mouth just doesn’t quite get the message in time.

“I just can’t figure out what people want me to do? Kill my kids to save the planet or just feel completely torn up with guilt over making them in the first place!”. Hahaha!

The Thinking Mom is quiet,for what seems like forever.She’s either considering grabbing her one-child and running for the minivan or trying to defend her one-child position. Jupiter isn’t quite sure. “Huh”, is all the Thinking Mom finally manages.

Jupiter surveys the playground for sight of her kids. Her boy stands on a platform, his arms raised high as he proclaims,”I’m the king of the world!” He’s made of pure sunshine and buzzes with energy.

It’s hard but she controls her emotions before trying to talk again. She hates more than anything when her voice shakes with emotion when she’s trying to speak. It seems to make the point less valid and as shaky as the vocalization. “I’m sorry….I’m used to the criticism and I DO understand. Trust me….I DO understand it …we love the planet too. We grow our own food, we recycle every damn thing, we don’t even have a car…..we’re a hell of a lot “greener” and sustainable than a lot of people….and sometimes it feels like when people think I have more children than is “responsible”…well, it feels like they’re saying,”Your kid should have never been born”. And that kills me and quite frankly,pisses me off.”

The Thinking Mom looks at her own child,joyfully plummeting down the slide with glowing bliss and seems to have some sense of what it would feel like if someone thought the world would be better off if he didn’t exist. “Yeah,I can see how it might feel that way.God,I’m sorry.I didn’t mean it to sound so harsh.I just… crap, I’m sorry.”

Mutual respect established,she continues.”You know what I am? I’m pro-birth control.No offense.”

“None taken.So am I.IAnd it totally pisses me off at what the asshats in Bush’s administration are trying to pull now.”, Jupiter says,trying to pull focus away from her own “mistakes”.

The Thinking Mom laughs,”Ok, fill me in. We’ve been in Cape Cod for three weeks and my husband insisted on no internet or TV. I must have missed something.What’d they do now?”

“Oh, they’re trying to expand the definition of abortion to include the Pill, IUDs and emergency contraception.“

“Holy shit…you cannot be serious!”. Thinking Mom is outraged, just as Jupiter is.

“Margaret Sanger is rolling in her grave,I’m sure.”, Jupiter muses out loud,more to herself than anything.

“Oh,wow…I haven’t heard about Margaret Sanger since …in forever. I didn’t even know who she was until I read something Gloria Steinem wrote about her and then I thought,’Wow, she’s got to be one of the most important people in history ever and probably hardly anyone even knows who she is’.”

Jupiter completely agrees. Margaret Sanger saw first hand the repression of women through lack of choice,witnessed the overburdened hips and weary defeat in faces of women bred like show ponies. She fought the law and made out better than Sonny Curtis and The Crickets or even The Clash did.

Both women banter back and forth about the implications of limiting birth control. The financial, the social,the whole picture.Both are boggled to the point of speechlessness sometimes at the idea that a bunch of men think they have any right to counteract Margaret Sanger’s crusade to allow every woman to be the mistress of her own body.

Jupiter knits the rounds,the purple yarn making perfect “v’ formation , like geese flying south. “I shudder to think how many children I would have if I didn’t at least try to use birth control.I’m the Poster Girl for failed birth control and just the general rule that Shit Happens.Ok,well….LIFE happens”

She shares without detail the rape conception as a teenager that she fought to not abort….. the twins conceived on The Pill (thanks to an error in prescription by Planned Parenthood,ironically), the Broken Condom Incident and the just plain lack of good judgment (aka “There’s no way in hell I’m ovulating right now. Cum inside me”) . Plus the two she herself was not biologically responsible for.

The children bound over to their mother with cries of “I’m thirsty!” and “Can we have a snacky?”. Jupiter doles out the Squishy Squash Muffins she brought along, passes around the water-filled canteen ,offers a muffin to Thinking Mom and her child who is named after a rock star. “They’re homemade…no bad stuff in ‘em and I swear, my kitchen is clean. Well, the parts that count,anyway”. Thinking Mom and Rock Star Kid accept their muffins and say,”Thank you”.